Metal Slug 7

Metal Slug 7 brings the long running side-scrolling shooter series to the DS and in one foul swoop, completely revolutionises the genre. Okay, that's a lie, if you've played any other Metal Slug games then you'll quickly realise that this is pretty much any other Metal Slug game, alas missing one or two features.

 If you were to ram a brick into the console and rub your buttocks over the screen for a moment you'd probably be using the DS's touch screen potential more than Metal Slug, but that's not really the point here. The point here is raw, untamed, and harder-than-Megatron-on-steroids action with a story so weak it makes Dan Brown read like Dostoyevsky. The game doesn't really ever try to immerse you in this world which probably makes sense since it has little depth beyond pointing your big gun at enemies of the ‘run towards the bullets' variety until the very surface of the world is drowning in twisted metal and bloody entrails, or at least until they scream, fall over and disappear.

 Most of the, exceedingly short, game is spent on foot, rampaging forward through waves of tanks grunts, tanks and helicopters, dying every time you have indecency to exist for more than five seconds. This game is hard, very hard. While on foot your character (from which you have six dullard bullet magnets to choose from) can take no more than one or two shots before he dies in a manner frustratingly at odds with the comedic manliness of the game. It's very frustrating and you'll be screaming insults about your characters' testicular fortitude at the screen in no time. You're however given enough lives and continues to make a mockery of death for most of the game, but it honestly seems like a decent health bar would have improved the pace of the game. It is undeniably fun and addictive when you're doing well, but unfortunately the solid difficulty prevents any real flow from developing.

 The slugs (actually tanks, robot suits etc which will leave you disappointed if you were hoping charge the enemy, riding legs akimbo on a giant slimy, metallic mollusc) are perhaps the most fun part of the game allowing you to finally take some hits and unleash all ungodly means of massacre upon any poor soldier dumb enough to get in your way. Unfortunately these segments, while frequent, are very short lived and you'll soon find yourself on foot once more getting capped so many times it makes Sonny Corleone's death in The Godfather look like a minor boo-boo.

 The most major flaw though is the lack of co-op play which for a game of this style is neigh unforgivable. Even the most frustrating moments could have become much easier or much funnier with the presence of a companion. Alas the only presence this game provides is the feeling of your own social incompatibility coupled with the distinct possibility of dying alone.

 The game looks lovely, with a sound cartoonish style and top animation. The world moves and reacts well and the screen is usually bursting with brightly coloured explosions and bullet trails. There's nothing overly fancy, but it is pretty solid. In essence this sums up the game too, fun for a while, but ultimately bland with fewer new ideas than a Conservative manifesto. If you love the series or side-scrollers then it's worth a quick gander, but otherwise it can be an ultimately frustrating and unfulfilling experience.