Xbox 360
For a movie that spews shrapnel and eye melting visual effects at every turn, you would be right to assume that the movie tie-in of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a guns blazing action title. But quite how it manages to be completely bereft of any kind of excitement is an achievement in itself and completely baffling to boot. From confusing start to deflated finish, this is another game you can safely put into the lazy movie tie-in pigeon hole that is already almost fit to burst.
There is a neat underlying idea here, but one that fails to materialise. You could even slot this into the old-school run n' gun category, as you run across each stage, blowing up everything living and inanimate without a care in the world, racking up high scores and letting rip with special attacks. Where similar games like Gears of War excel is their impressive gunplay, requiring accuracy and smart use of cover from the player. This game wants to have a similar cover system and a great shooting dynamic, but a number of issues get in the way.
For example, the first mission involves the GI Joe squad storm an arctic base to rescue their comrade, the mini-gun toting Heavy Duty. All sense of plot is blurry to begin with and becomes even more entangled by incessant radio chatter from a range of support characters back at HQ. The constant barrage of useless information will start to grate quickly. The camera is also an annoyance, which shouldn't be a problem in this generation, movie tie-in or not.
The viewpoint is locked so trying to get a better shot at far away enemies is a luxury you don't have here and you will often find yourself shooting at enemies off-camera with no indication if you are hitting the mark or not. This isn't too much of a problem however, as all aiming is taken away from the player, meaning all you have to do is hold down the fire button and stand a safe distance form enemies. Essentially this takes all the skill out of the game and renders it a soulless slog through dull, ropey-looking stages. The only thing you will need skill to use is the flaky cover system.
Most cover items are destructible but even walls made of dense bricks and mortar crumble like wet paper under enemy gunfire seconds after you hold a position, rendering calculated, tactical advances pointless, not to mention that your character will often refuse to snap to cover when prompted. Even on the hardest difficulty setting you can get through most sections without using any form of cover, which should whet the whistle of achievement seekers looking for a quick 1000 points.
While there is a wide range of unlockable characters, stages and concept art, there is little incentive to play through this game a second time. There is a co-op mode that might be good for a chuckle with a mate, but even then you might as well fire up another game. The inclusion of scores, something now absent from most shooters, does give this an old-school vibe and may have you looking to replay stages to beat your previous total, but in all honesty, this is only likely to appeal to the younger player.
At times, this feels as if it should be a downloadable title, rather than a full retail game, due to how simple and brainless the experience can be. It does offer some bang per buck, but any price is too high for a shooting game that requires no skill or sense of aim from the player. But now you know to avoid this joyless slog of a title and, of course, knowing is half the battle!